Sunday, April 15, 2012

“I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.” 
-Rosalia de Castro 

How applicable. 

When I uprooted my life and transplanted from Kansas City to Shreveport 8 1/2 months ago I had no idea what the future held. Upon my arrival in Shreveport, I held great hope and expectation for my life here, most of which has since been torn apart. The last 8 1/2 months have not been the idealistic life I so naively envisioned; they have been filled with many lonely days, strife, confusion, frustration, uncertainty, disappointment. Yes, all of those things. But when I take the time to really open my eyes, I also recognize the beauty of life here that is so easily drown out. 

Am I still in the Lord's will for my life? I think so...I hope so. So often it feels as though everything is falling apart, and maybe that's true. Months ago I made the choice to do whatever it took to follow the Lord's will for my life (hence the move to Shreveport). I made that choice, and yet, here I am in Shreveport, still trying to do life on my terms, and wondering why things aren't working out. If I'm honest, I recognize that once again God is reworking what I thought my life would look like. It's not fun; it's actually kind of nerve-wrecking. I complain to Him about it a lot. And in response I hear Him whispering to me, "You thought you were stopping here? Oh, my love, I don't think so; I have got big plans for you, and they don't end in Shreveport. I love you. I know what is best for you. Here's the catch though, you're going to have to really trust me. Will you do that?" 

So, that is what I am earnestly trying to do; and with each moment, each day, each week I willingly place in His hands, He clues me in just a bit more. He is laying new and exciting (and scary) opportunities in front of me. It's like working on a 5,000 piece puzzle, but only having 17 of the pieces. The 17 pieces I'm holding yield no clue of the bigger picture, but they all fit together. It is frustrating and scary at times to not be able to see the big picture, but then I remember that the guy who put the whole universe together can probably (read: can most definitely) handle directing my life. 

Two pieces of truth that have been in the forefront of my mind over the past few weeks:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

"My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever." - Psalm 73:26

He works all things for my good. 
He is the strength of my heart. 
He holds my life in his hands.
He fights for me.
He is mine forever. 

I will keep my eyes on Him. 

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