Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A New Season

Cause I need freedom now, and I need to know how to live my life as it's meant to be. And I'll find strength in pain, and I will change my ways. I'll know my name as it's called again.

God is so good, my friends. So very good.

There is no way I could possibly articulate here what's taken place over the last 5 months of my life, more specifically the last three weeks. The words "roller coaster" come to mind. There's so much, but not all of it needs to be shared here. (But friends, if you'd like to know all of it I'd love to sit and share over coffee!) Here are some of the biggest things going on in my life and heart right now:

I left Jacobs Well. For those of you who really know me, you understand how big a deal that is. I never thought I'd leave The Well, but over the past few months the Lord has shown me that my season there has come to a close. So, I cried, fought Him on it, ignored all the signs, got excited about something new, and finally chose the path of obedience. He took me to The Rock (check it out here: http://www.rockchurchkc.com/). Long story short: the Lord had been placing bits and pieces of The Rock in my path for about the last 4 months. It's in the Northeast - aka, the hood (KCMO). A bunch of them live there. They are working to lower crime rates. They do urban farming and house church. They're a family. It reminds me in some ways of Common Ground. How great is it that the Lord always knows exactly what we need...even when we don't?! The Rock is already proving to be exactly what I need right now -- I've been warmly and sincerely embraced by so many. I'm being met where I'm at, but pushed to be more. I'm uncomfortable, but it's the kind of discomfort that forces complacency to run and hide. Comfort isn't always a good thing. To quote my dear friend Jerusha, "It's the scariest safe place."

I'm moving to the hood! Monday afternoon everything fell into place. It left me speechless and in awe of the goodness of God. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's the story: For the past 9 months I've been living in a house in Pleasant Valley; it's been a good fit for that time, but over the past two months I have been extremely anxious for something new. All the leads I had on houses and roommates fell through. Basically, I've been super frustrated and really impatient. Sunday Jerusha and I talked about how we miss out on a lot because we don't live in the Northeast. Monday I commented about that conversation on a friend's Facebook status. Are you ready for what happened next? Probably not...I sure wasn't. Another girl who lives in the Northeast with her family and goes to The Rock responded to my comment with this, "You know, Krysten, we have two spare bedrooms in our house. We'd love for you to fill one of them!" I'm fairly certain I stopped breathing for a second. So I talked to her that afternoon, her mom called Jed, Jed and I talked about it, and then I talked to Mrs. Morrison that evening. And well, we're going to talk about it a bit more, but it looks like I'm moving in with them. Yesterday I said, "God is so good." and really meant it for the first time ever. But it gets even better! I knew that the Lord had me in a period of waiting over the past few months, but I couldn't see why...I mean, all I was asking for was a roommate. :) But last night, like I said earlier, it all came together and I saw why. He had to prepare me to leave Jacobs Well. I had to leave Jacobs Well to move to The Rock. I had to be at The Rock to get to know Christina. I had to know Christina for Him to open the door to living in the Northeast with her family. He kept saying "no" and closing doors because He had something so much greater in store for me. He is so good.

My whole perspective on life is changing. Life is nothing like I thought it would be after graduation. I thought I would be floating from here to there, doing a lot of different things, living a lot of different places. Not the case. I have a full-time job. I'm living in KC indefinitely. When I decided to take my job and stay in KC, I thought, "Okay, I'll give it a few years and move onto somewhere else." Now I catch myself thinking, "What would it look like to buy a house in the Northeast?" I used to be jealous of my friends who were fluttering about the country/world, but not anymore. I'm coming into an understanding that that kind of lifestyle isn't the one the Lord intends for us. We are created for community, for family...to be rooted. Is this me saying those of us who live that lifestyle are wrong? No. Please don't hear that. What I am saying is that I am learning the importance of commitment, rootedness, being present without constantly looking for the next big thing, and family.

Part of me wishes I could fully express to you the state of my heart, and what it's been through over the past few months. I just can't...I don't have words for it. Just know it has been terrible and incredible. I've cried, challenged God, laughed, almost given up, and have experienced the overwhelming (literally) goodness and love of the Lord and the incredible people He's placed (and continues to place) in my path. My whole perspective is changing. The Lord is pulling me out of the religious mindset and into an understanding and experience of His awesome love for me. Is there still a lot of pain and crap I have to work through? Yes, but that's no longer what I feel every day. It's not my focus.

I'd like to thank those of you who have been, and will continue to be, at my side through all of this -- you know who you are. Your support, love, and encouragement are of greatest value.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

-Psalm 23:6

Ooh, your love is a symphony, all around me, running through me. Ooh, your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me. Your love is a song. Yeah, yeah. Your love is my remedy. Oh, your love is a song.

1 comment:

SquirrellyNurse said...

Hey Girl! So good to see you this Saturday and then again Sunday at IHop! You make me smile, and I am definitely excited that for my procrastination break I chose to click on this link to read your blog! I am so happy for you! I agree with the rootedness. I have been discovering the same thing the past 2 years especially. You are an amazing spirit friend, and I love you!

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