Friday, January 14, 2011

The F Word

"Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It's about letting go of the other person's throat."
- William P. Young, The Shack
There is a voice inside of me that says it's time -- time to let go, time to let go of their throats, time to forgive, to move on. And yet, my fingers still clench around their throats. Every once in a while, the voice wins and my grip starts to loosen, but then fear and anger take over again.
There's a battle going on inside. What do I believe has more power, fear and anger or forgiveness?
My head answers forgiveness, and yet, my grip continues.
I need there to be forgiveness. Not for the other person's sake or to mend relationships, but for my sake. The unforgiveness I hold in my heart towards people, specifically three, is poisoning my life. It seeps into every aspect and lashes out before I even realize it's there. I can't live like this any longer. I need freedom.
That's the thing about forgiveness: it is first for you, the release you from something that will eat you alive, that will destroy your joy and ability to love fully and openly.
So here's the first step of what will likely be a long and difficult journey. But every step towards freedom, no matter what the price, is a step worth taking, a step that must be taken. hands are tired, and so is my heart.

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