Monday, April 19, 2010

Say Goodnight Grace

It's one of those nights...the paper is only half written, The Weepies are on, the cool air is flowing through my open window, and I find myself unable to focus, drifting off into thought.

The day's conversations roll through my head, specifically one with my little sister. We don't talk often and when we do it is usually about trivial things, but tonight was different. She wasn't her normal sassy, 16-year-old self, but rather a little sister deeply longing for real relationship with her distant big sister. Her honesty and grace humbled me and our conversation brought me to tears.

Four years ago, I was so incredibly relieved to finally get away from home that I neglected to realize who I was leaving behind. Nicholas and Tori were 10 and 12 when I moved away, just little kids. They are so different now, and I missed all of that; and while they don't hold anything against me, I'm not sure I will ever be able to fully forgive myself for severely neglecting the privilege of being their big sister. But the beauty of life is second chances. I will not let her fear of me stepping out of the big sister role actualize; I'm going to be the big sister they both deserve.


Anonymous said...

oh, friend. i've been having a nutso sister day. i needed to read this. so thank you.

K-Bird said...

Great post Krysten. It's never too late, and you realized something a lot of people NEVER do. This coming from a little sister :)

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