Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Fill Me Up

Smooth, black leather encases 192 crisp, blank pages.
The blue ink glides smoothly over the first page as I begin documenting a new chapter in my life.
This, and only this, is ever my secret keeper.

Nothing but blank pages ahead of me, I look ahead with great ambition, endless dreams, and a healthy dose of fear. For I know these next 192 pages, they're going to be a wild ride.

Your predecessor holds tales of great adventure, a life changed forever, deep yearnings, and much pain...
What will you hold?

Monday, December 21, 2009

Night Drive

I'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell outta mine here.
If we all believe in heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year down here.
My headlights pierced the darkness, fingers tapping the steering wheel as I impatiently waited for the light to change. 13 Laurel Street my destination, my second home during high school. I had a bottle of Jack riding shot gun, hoping it could numb the pain where my words would surely fail.
My hand lingered on the door handle, unsure I was ready for what awaited me in the house.
Frozen grass crunched beneath my feet. Reaching the front door, I instinctively let myself in.
(Some things never change.)
Her red, blood-shot eyes met mine as I stepped through the doorway...stepping back into a role long forgotten by me, but still mine.
The corner of her mouth lifted in a faint smile when I revealed the bottle of Jack, flashing her my best cheesy smile. And at that moment I knew she...we...would be okay.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Lucky Number Seven

Currently: on lobby duty
Currently listening to: Owl City
Current mood: anxious

This semester has been a long one filled with unexpected twists, good and bad. Normally semesters seem to fly by, but August seems like so long ago. My life and relationships are drastically different now.

Here are some things I've experienced:
growth
healing
hurt
frustration
disappointment
joy
fear of the future, anxiety
freedom

The next 48 hours are the only thing standing between me and a few weeks of much needed rest and relaxation. I'm ready to go home.

To-do List for Break:
run routes without hills!
hang with the siblings
bake cookies
eat said cookies
read for fun (any book suggestions?)
re-establish some old relationships
laugh with my cousins and grandparents
AHMI
City Museum with Anna and Christine
sleep


So long lucky number seven. You've exhausted and yet rejuvenated me.



Monday, December 7, 2009

I live with only one regret.

His name popped up on the screen, my heart skipped a beat.
We haven't spoken in nearly a year, but for some reason the past few days he has consumed my thoughts.

"I'm in a relationship and it's going nowhere. I want out." he says. "She doesn't make me happy."

My thoughts race...
Get out then.
Go somewhere with me.
I can make you happy.

But I keep my composure. Console him. Ask him how school is. How life has been.
It kills me to hear him so unhappy.



Even after all these years, there is no denying it...my heart still belongs to him.
If he only knew.
 
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