Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Rock::Krysten::Hard Place

Currently: fighting back tears
Current situation: between a rock and a hard place

I feel as though I will have to explain this to all of you eventually, so this is my effort to save some time, and my emotions...
Currently, I am not enrolled as a full time student at Jewell. Why?, you ask--it's a long story. Basically, I have a balance left over from last spring so financial aid has placed a hold on my account, which means I can't register, which means I can't move into the dorms. (I would, however, like to point out that I have paid for the 2009-2010 school year, even though I'm not registered or moved in. How thoughtful of Jewell.) For weeks I have been battling this situation, and it is truly getting the best of me. Options and time are the two things I am quickly running out of, and if I do not get things worked out by tomorrow I may not be a student at Jewell this semester/year.

As an (wanna be) adult, I am mature enough to recognize that, while others are not helping the situation, it was my inaction and irresponsibility that brought me to this place. It's frustrating. It's embarrassing. I've cried more times in the past three days than the past three months.

In the beginning, I thought this was God's way of teaching me a lesson (not in a malicious way though); he's always been good at holding me responsible for my actions/in actions. But the situation has progressively gotten worse. And today, after my last ditch plea for assistance to my father was harshly rejected, I am beginning to wonder if this is God giving me a way out.
Confession time: For 3/4 of the summer I was not planning on coming back to Jewell this fall.
So, do I keep taking this as a challenge and continue to fight? Or is God telling me it's time for something different?

Many of you have recently returned from exotic places and your new found gypsy souls desperately desire to return. This gypsy soul has not yet found that release, but feels that same desperation for something different. While I understand it may be worse to have tasted the world and been pulled away from it than to have never tasted, I want you to know that I would give anything for the bittersweet aftertaste you possess.

So, where does this leave me?
I have NO IDEA.
The next two days have the potential to drastically change the course of my future.
And I'm scared.

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