Sunday, April 19, 2009

incoming call...georgette

Currently listening to: Cake
Currently missing: Shreveport
Looking forward to: S.U.M.M.E.R.

i just got off the phone with one of my favorite people in the entire world...georgette. the call was unexpected, and a sense of relief fell over me when i saw her name on my phone; and while the conversation was a mere 12 minutes long, it was exactly what i needed tonight.

my summer was spent with georgette--walking for hours around the lake, swimming on fridays, doing all things uniquely shreveport, watching ER and CSI, playing connect 4 with our kids. she's my big sister, and i miss her terribly.

she called because i was on her heart and mind; i am always incredibly humbled and honored when someone tells me that. she wanted to know how i am...and would not take the standard "i'm alright" answer. tonight was the first time in a long time i have told anyone what's really on my mind and heart--it felt good. i wish georgette was closer, but we are where each of us needs to be (although most days i'm not convinced of that). so for now, we call each other occasionally and talk about silly things like how "jesus and java" will get us through the last 3 weeks of the semester.

and it's good.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

My dearest Molly

Currently listening to: Fleet Foxes
Current struggle: jealousy
Currently missing: Molly
I've learned a lot about relationships this year.
Some people have proven themselves to me, others have not.
I've been let down...
and I've let others down.

Relationships are tricky; they take a tremendous amount of work. Over the past few years many of my relationships have changed...some for better, some for worse. But there has been one relationship, one person, I have always been able to count on--Molly.

Molly and I have been friends since the beginning of our journeys at Jewell. Living across the hall from me, she was my constant companion freshman year. Sophomore year found us paddling through the Everglades together, which only increased the depth of our relationship. And this year, well...she has watched me go through hell and back, and has not once left my side (except the whole going to Central America thing).

At only 22, Molly is already an incredible woman. She is humble, deep, intentional, content, hilarious, and real. Her quiet grace touches my heart. She is both rational and realistic. Willingly, and sometimes unknowingly, she shares her immense wisdom with me. She has an incredible ability to put me at ease. She is the one I turn to for advice--she's straight with me. She is truly a beautiful person, inside and out.

I miss her dearly, and am eagerly (and impatiently) awaiting our reunion. It's about time we get back to making excuses to go into Kansas City so we can go to Broadway Cafe to get hazelnut lattes. And for her to show up to breakfast 10 minutes before class starts. And I still have a lot to learn from her about bartering with the guys at Prospero's Bookstore. Mostly, I just need the only person I can truly count on back.

Friends often come and go, but if you're really lucky you'll get those few people who are truly significant in your life. I am convinced Molly is a friend for life. And I am incredibly blessed and honored to call her one of my dearest friends.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

breaking free

Currently listening to: Ane Brun
Current struggle: restlessness
Mood: READY!!!

no one in my life has described me more accurately and concisely than my mother; her description of me: drifter. for not knowing me very well, she's got me pegged.

fall break of my freshman year was my first long distance road trip by myself--a trek to umr to visit friends. and i believe that was the beginning of my drifting. my family had always traveled, vacations every summer...i'm no stranger to other parts of the united states. but this trip was different...i was barely 18 and was just beginning my journey here at jewell. and although the trip was only 3 1/2 hours, it was exhilarating. i was finally free.

and then there was sophomore year: outward bound = the single most incredible experience of my lifetime. it's really difficult to believe it's been over a year since i spent my christmas break in the everglades...i remember it like it was just yesterday; and very rarely does a day go by which i don't long to be back there. outward bound changed me.

i'm losing my mind here; it's like a dog being tied up, itching to run. i have another whole year of school left--i can hardly stand being here now, what is it going to be like next year?? so often i fight the urge to get in my car and drive, no destination in mind...just somewhere different, somewhere new.

one day i might look back and regret not focusing on "being here now", but i'm convinced i was born to move. so much lies ahead of me--so much adventure, so many new people, so many new places--it's killing me to wait (i never have been very patient). jewell is not satisfying me any longer, i am ready for something bigger! this deep yearning to move, to run is more than likely affecting my relationships here...but instead of battening down the hatches and focusing on working through everything here my instinct is to look forward and run.

and so far, no one is chasing me.

one of these days i am going to pull hard enough to break this chain, and i'll be gone.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

love from little arms

currently listening to: guster
current mood: dismissed/restless
looking forward to: anything but right now

lately much of my time is spent with people under the age of 10. let me explain...

mwf mornings/afternoons i babysit two little boys, aiden and andrew (5 and 3). friday evenings i volunteer at midwest foster care, which really means i hang out with kids...most of whom are pretty young; we play basketball, play on the playground, and other kid things like sidewalk chalk...i love every minute of it. and to top it off i spend as much time as possible with rory and emme anderson (4 1/2 and 2).

one of my favorite things about mwf mornings: ringing the doorbell at aiden and andrew's house and hearing aiden yell "kkkkrrryyyssstttteennnn!!!" this past monday aiden flung open the door and the first thing i saw was andrew running around butt naked with a huge smile on his face...although it had been a crappy day thus far, i could not help but laugh!

last night as we were leaving dinner, emme ran up to me arms stretched upward saying "hold you, hold you"...which meant she wanted me to hold her. when i picked her up she gave me a big hug and then preceded to rub the back of my shoulder with her little hand and then say "sank you, kyssen. how you?" it was absolutely precious. then rory came over to my "big house" (semple) and we had a baking party with her easy bake oven. after handing out our cupcakes in melrose, i got to read bedtime stories with emmers and tuck her into bed. who could ask for a better post-dinner activity? not me.

i'm in a really weird place with friends right now. why are relationships so difficult once we get past the age of 8? i mean, we all want the same things, don't we?--to feel loved, accepted, like we are important to someone, respected, to fit in. and yet, so often we (i) fail to be the kind of friend that provides those. it's messed up, frustrating, discouraging, and hurts. you'd figure at the age of 20/21 we could figure out how to treat each other.

so for now, i spend as much time as i can with my little friends. it's funny how much i can learn from them--aiden is teaching me about compassion, andrew about joy, and rory constantly reminds me of the importance of being considerate.

big hugs from little arms can fix just about anything.
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