Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Perfect Shade of Dark Blue.

Currently Listening to: Ben Lee
Current Struggle: insignificance
Mood: Reflective

The past few days have been quite interesting, but for no particular reason. Here are some of the things running through my mind lately:

At 5 and 3, these little boys are quickly becoming an important part of my life. I spend MWF mornings/afternoons with them while their mom works. Andrew has down syndrome, and is teaching me a lot about communication. Luckily he uses baby sign language, so (most of the time) we can communicate...in a traditional way. This morning he looked at me with his big green eyes, rosy cheeks, and cracker covered face, and smiled big and wide then burst into laughter. His joy is infectious; no need for words. At five, Aiden is one of the most compassionate people I've met--Andrew is getting a sinus infection, and this morning Aiden told me he wishes he could be Andrew so he could take his sickness. Later that day he preceded to list all the reasons he loves his older brother Calin. I really believe the Lord is going to use little Aiden to help heal my soul. Plus, it's fun to find out that I am, in fact, half robot and to play "action fingers" in the "snow castles" we build.

Ash Wednesday--
Jon and I went to the Ash Wednesday service at the Well, just the two of us. It was perfect. Those times when it's just me and Jon, those are the best. Our friendship is an incredible blessing; I wish I could describe it in words. That night and that service, and experiencing it with him was exactly what I needed. What a good way to start the Lenten season...

Going Home--
Lately I've had this strange desire to go home, like home home. Weird. Not really sure why...I do miss my little brother and sister though. Ever since I came to college I've been building MY life; but I have very recently realized I have attempted to do so without including my family. It's pretty much like trying to build a house without the foundation--whether I like it or not, my family is part of who I am. So, for the first time ever, I'm going home for a weekend. And...I'm not telling my mom I'm coming. Surprise! I'm pretty sure she's going to cry.

Salad Dressing&Summer--
Tonight I had my Momma's (from Louisiana) salad dressing for the first time since Christmas. It's incredible how one taste of it on my tongue sent me back there. You know, my room is literally covered in pictures of my kids and their artwork. I know it's there, but I rarely look at it anymore; so tonight when I returned to my room I stood and surveyed for a long while--taking in every face in each picture, remembering the stories behind each. I read Kelsey's blog, and I was back on the front porch of the White House. It's a constant struggle to pull that peace and lvoe into my life here at Jewell...

Speaking of lvoe, it's what I'm doing for Lent. Realization: I have abandoned the lvoe I learned, found, and experienced this summer. Not okay. It healed me once, it can heal me again. Without it, I am nothing. Also, I'm no longer letting other people's reactions determine my actions. I think it is going to be a good 40 days.

Major struggle in my life. I especially feel it in my close group of friends, by no fault of theirs--it's connected to my insecurity. Vicious cycle, isn't it? I could go into detail, but I won't. If you really want to know, just ask.

Just for kicks...I really like random texts from dear friends, Pandora, waking up to snow covered ground, and long spontaneous talks in the study room after RA meetings.

1 comment:

Liz said...

1. I LOVE Pandora.
2. Nice "Currently" settings at the beginning. Definately support it.
3. I love you. Dearly.

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