Sunday, September 21, 2008

the great storm.

matthew 8:23-27:
currently, i am in the middle of the biggest storm of my life.

uprooted from the only place i've ever felt a sense of belonging. anger. jealousy. cynicism. loneliness that cuts to the deepest parts of me. restlessness. this unrelentless weight on my chest. constant pain. depression. confusion. misery. insecurity. exhaustion...spiritually, mentally, physically. discomfort. hopelessness.

each day when i wake up i ask myself, "why do i even bother getting out of bed?" it's a struggle to simply scrape through the day--i used to be strong. i used to be reliable. i used to be a good friend. i used to be in control. i used to know joy...

what's happened to me?
what's going to happen to me?

i feel like a burden, and obligation, like i'm too much...so i keep to myself. but i can't handle that either. what am i supposed to do? i want to be okay, please believe me. but i'm not...not even close. and i'm so afraid that i never will be.

why am i writing this? does anyone even read this? maybe that's why...because i don't think anyone actually does. or maybe it's a cry for help. who knows.


save me, lord; i am perishing.


1 comment:

molly caitlin said...

krysten, you have a support system here at jewell even if you don't recognize that right now. we care about you and we love you.

 
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